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Vol.4. NO.12...........................................................Pages14-15 WEIRD NEWS
Oh,
Shoot! Aging
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly
despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him
in death. Thinking
that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she
took out Earl’s old Army pistol and made the
decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so
badly broken in the first place. Not wanting
to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden
to someone, she called her doctor’s office to
inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
“On a woman,” the doctor said, “your heart
would be just below your left breast.” Later that
night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a
gunshot wound to her knee. Marriage
Counseling While
attending a marriage seminar on communication, Wally and
his wife Carolyn listened to the instructor declare,
“It is essential that husbands and wives know the
things that are important to each other.” He addressed
the men, “Guys, can you describe your wife’s
favorite flower?” Wally leaned
over, touched Carolyn’s arm gently and whispered, “Pillsbury
All-Purpose, isn’t it?” And
thus began Wally’s life of celibacy. Italian
Cookies An
elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering
the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the
aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies
wafting up the stairs. He
gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from
the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way
out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort,
gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the
door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Where
if not for death’s agony, he would have thought
himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon
waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds
of his favorite anisette sprinkled cookies. Was it
heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his
devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he
left this world a happy man? Mustering
one great final effort, he threw himself towards the
table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His
parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was
already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to
life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a
cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly
smacked with a spatula by his wife...... “Back
off!” she said, “They’re for the
funeral.”
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Inside This Issue About the Cover........ 3 Book Reviews............... 15 Baptist Dog 13 Critter Fixer Fund....... 11 Corny Red Neck Humor............... 15 Disorder in the American Courts....... 9 Fair Trade Chocolate 10 Final Word on Italian Cookies............... 14 Kudos to You and You and You.......... 5 Letters to the Editor..... 13 New Words 2003........ 11 North Central NM Events 3 Marriage Counseling 14 Movie Making in New Mexico..... 8 Oh, Shoot!.. 14 PEACE........ 5 Raw World is...Heaven on Earth.. 12 Screenwriting Tips From Larry....... 12 Southern California Artists Bring Joy of
Cartooning 7 Taking Over the World. 7 Theft of Police Badges Sparks Too Much of a Bad Thing 4 “We, The Screenwriters”...............
5 Wheat, The Whole Wheat, and Nothing But The
Heat.. 7 When They Say It’s Locally Grown, They
Mean It.... 3 Where to find The Sun-News........ 2
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